LET IT BLEED

What a shitty day. I knew from the very beginning, when I was shuffling about with my coffee, it would suck. It did.

Work is back to just leaving me drained and used.

After that less than worthwhile experience, I hit the mall. Not because I thought it might lift my spirits, but because I desperately needed some things. I've been putting it off. I hate the mall. Bright lights, inquisitive and chatty salespeople, overpriced goods made by children in a third world country, other people just as miserable as myself. I don't even know what I spent. It doesn't matter, I needed everything.

I came home and started the grill. I have been loving living in this house. I have only cooked once on the grill here. Tonight I had several pork chops to BBQ. I thought for sure I would ruin them - keeping with the theme of the day. Fortunately, they were great. At least I thought so.

R called before I threw the meat on the grill. It was good to hear from him. He's had a couple rough days as well, but sounded good. He and M are leaving for The City this weekend. I hope they have a great time.

I am really getting tired of only having someone in my life every four to five weeks for a weekend. The time I get to spend with J is wonderful, but it's becoming more difficult to say good-bye, and then only communicate via the phone and internet for the next month. I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop seeing him, I think I'm in love. But if it has to continue as it has, I will have no choice. It's just too hard. I don't expect some instantaneous change, but rather the two of us creating a goal and working towards that. I hope I don't push too much too soon for him.


Well we all need someone to lean on,
And if you want it, well you can lean on me.
Well, we all need someone we can lean on,
And if you want it, well you can lean on me...

Yeah, we all need someone we can dream on
And if you want it, well you can dream on me.
Yeah, we all need someone we can cream on,
And if you want to, well you can cream on me...

We all need someone we can bleed on,
And if you want it, baby, well you can bleed on me.
We all need someone we can bleed on,
And if you want it, why don't you bleed on me...
You can bleed all over me.